In Your Online Business
Written by Jessa Lewis
When we were young, we would go to the playground and just be ourselves. We would dance like we wanted, we would say whatever we felt like saying and we didn’t have any concerns about whether someone was going to take offence, be rude or get the wrong impression. But then as we grew up, things were said, comments were made, judgements thrown around and we start to show up as lesser versions of ourselves.
Fast forward and this can become one of the biggest limitations we have with showing up with ease as online entrepreneurs/personalities/influencers or simply from a space of wanting to share our passion projects or interests.
As a Business Coach, Social Media/Online Optimiser and Lightworker, I show my clients and tribe how to create their businesses, strategy and content from flow and by leveraging the most unique part of their businesses – themselves.
But this isn’t always straightforward. So often they have been pushed down by the expectations of others and are actively dimming down their own light so that they can fit in to the crowd and avoid the attention of those that would try to knock them down.
When we limit our own potential it is often because we are in self-protection mode (consciously or unconsciously) because of past experiences, lessons or warnings. This then comes up in the way we choose not to capitalise on what makes us truly fascinating and in what could make our message particularly potent and attention grabbing.
If this IS the case, we will undoubtedly have a million surface layer excuses as to why this is e.g.
- ‘I don’t have the time’
- ‘My children are too demanding’
- ‘The timing isn’t right’
- ‘I don’t know how my boss will receive it’
- ‘I’m waiting for an investment to come through’
- ‘I need my website/sales page/accreditation/photo shoot pics etc. first’
- ‘I’m worried about what my parents or friends will think’
But that’s all just surface layer BS. If we kept asking ourselves why we were choosing for that to stop us, a deeper reason would always come out. It could be because we were victimised by bullies or hurt or made fun of or shamed, embarrassed or ridiculed in some way when we were younger. Whatever the reason, once we know the WHY and the origin of what is stopping us from moving forward, we can then take action, heal and choose to rewrite the story for the future.
Because here’s the thing … if we don’t move out of the shadows and allow our unfiltered selves out online – we will likely STILL experience negative comments/backlash PLUS we won’t necessarily experience any success with attraction marketing. There’s this great saying (and I can’t remember who it’s by) that goes a little like: ‘When you try to please everyone, you please no-one’ and this is so true.
People will take offence regardless of what you do and no matter how perfectly you try to say it and no matter how much you try to be part of the herd PLUS you’ll end up fading out of attention for the people who would have simple been attracted to YOU in the first place.
So. Once we recognise the real reasons why we aren’t being ourselves online and are ready to amp up our online presence … how can we get over the very real possibility that there will still be backlash?
- Firstly, if you do KNOW that certain people are going to be reactive then you could always make the decision to proactively block/remove them depending which platform you’re using or change the visibility of your posting to exclude them. If this is what gets you over the first hurdle to posting online with more of your own essence – do it and then see if you can let go of your concerns regarding those key people over time.
- Two, remember, it’s never about you when someone says something online – positive or negative. When someone does react it’s generally because they’re being triggered by what you’ve said or done and it’s brought up feelings from a past experience for them OR it’s holding up a mirror for them about what they’re NOT doing in their lives that they wish they were. They then project that toward you accordingly.
- When someone is triggered by you and says something, guess what? Your message was not intended for them. There are billions of people in the world and we were not designed to be compatible with everyone. If we were then we wouldn’t be so varied and individual. We only have the ability to hold space for a certain amount of people and we only have the energy to elevate a certain amount of people online. So, if someone is not meant to be part of our tribe and you are not the person to trigger them in the RIGHT way – that’s ok. They/you get to move on and allow for the right person/people instead.
- Whenever someone does say something rude, inappropriate or otherwise this is a chance to create content. It’s an opportunity to draw a line in the sand and state exactly what you’re here to do despite what others might say. It’s an opportunity to do a post about who your ideal client/tribe is and who it is not. It’s an opportunity to point out how important it is to do the work regardless of negative opinion. It’s an opportunity to filter out the people that were never going to be easy to work with or necessarily ever buy from you in the first place.
And, it’s an opportunity to celebrate how you are NOT like everybody else. Afterall, the number one way to increase engagement with your posting and online presence is to allow your uniqueness out.
People come online to be amazed, amused, excited, get value and connect – they will not be able to do all of these things if you are only showing a one dimensional, watered down version of yourself. It would be like rocking up to a party with 10% of your personality and expecting people to actually want to hang out with you. They wouldn’t. They would get bored, tune out and then walk away without RSVPing to your next shindig.
This is why despite what the few might say, we should still do, be and say anything WE want to online and exactly in our own flavour – because we are interesting and we CANNOT fade into the background when we are allowing ourselves to show up in all our glory.
Make no mistake: YOU are what makes your business stand out from the one next to yours. You will always be the most unique identifier and selling point of what you do online and, there’s no telling what you’d achieve today if you actually chose to allow that to come through.