You can be a Mother and a Lover!
Written by Naomi Radke
There is a revolution brewing, well, if not, I’m going to start one! It involves the formidable mothers of the world who are busy making lunches and trying to make sure everyone else’s needs in the family are met. She is a proud woman who is at the centre of a universe whether she realises it or not, but she is getting tired, and without some action steps, she is at risk of losing her sensual sparkle. She is you and me, and it’s time to break the cycle and reclaim our Sensual Goddesses.
Remember Sexual Tension?
There was a time when the sensual goddess in each of us thrived on sexual tension, the chase, the wooing, and she knew that she deserved all sorts of sensual pleasures. Let’s be honest, when she was younger, working probably meant to have money to buy clothes to attract suitable ‘pleasure givers’ and her biggest dilemma was which outfit to wear! Now, she is super amazing and super busy, but we have unintentionally let her drift and we need to get her back. To do that we need to retrace our steps and remember where we started, in our bathrooms with the cheap makeup strewn along the basin, getting ready to go out as ‘adults’. Life was full of possibilities and excitement, that ‘tonight could be the night’ that we meet ‘the one’. We weren’t at all worried about whether we left the bathroom clean or even the windows were locked, it was all about us and whether our ‘’bums looked big in this!’. Our sole focus was about sexual power and discovery without limits. We sway on the pendulum of life without fear and it swung us all the way to ‘hard lock’ against the ‘lover’ end of the scale.
Tick Tock goes our biological clock - Feeling Sexy Again
We were explorers setting out on our adventures, seeking out a job, a partner, a life that we could be happy with. It had an element of primal habit about it where, if we remove all the clutter, perhaps there was an underlying element of the need for ‘security’. Our biological clock ticked loudly and whether we had kids or not, our feminine calling to create a nest ran through our veins. We entered the zone of firsts, first house, first dog, first baby and what a transition this is for a woman! When her primal need is met, the flood of maternal instinct engulfs every inch of her being. She grew little innocent humans who needed to survive, taking over her world and fulfilling that void that our mothers never told us we had. We entered a world where we got to ‘give’ happily without question as we saw the fruits of our care and compassion as our babies grew. The world around us fuzzes out and nothing else matters except meeting the needs of our babies. Quite by stealth, the pendulum has officially begun to swing to the other side, into full blown motherhood. While this is formidable, it is easy to miss the lurking trade-off. We happily keep adding to our bucket, spreading ourselves thinner and thinner until something must give, the easiest is letting our Sensual Goddess slide down the priority ladder.
Your boobs are still sexy!
Our sexy boobs that used to get pushed up and perky, desired by our partner, are now desired by little babies for survival, our fun bags became food bags! Add a pinch of soreness and sag and we can be forgiven for withdrawing their use as a frontline sexy feature. I believe that it is at this moment where our sensual rubber band is stretched to its limit, we are pulled towards our insatiable need to care for our amazing bundles of joy, which unwittingly pulls us away from our partner who then find themselves no longer number one on our list. We are not being intentionally bad here, just perfectly human and in full maternal survival mode.
On a side note, this ‘mother’ role phenomenon is all encompassing, from mums, grandparents helping with parenting, mums of fur babies to dads who take on the role of mums. It is an honourable role that we created to be a ‘feeder’ of the family, not only through food, but also with our time and energy. However, ever so secretly, we cleverly turn it into a habit, becoming accustomed to the busy-ness and assume or settle on it being a lifelong plight. We get so good at filling our feeder role that everyone else in our bubble gets used to it too. It’s not their fault, this is not about blame, we just let it happen.
But wait!! Stop everything!!
Press the BIG red emergency button because that is what we’ve got here, a sensual emergency where our intimate identities are at risk of fading and flickering. Luckily, there is good news and there IS a ‘happy ending’ possible. What we need is a ‘disruptor’ to break the cycle and swing back the pendulum, a magic wand that can awaken our sensual goddess. It might sting at first, but the answer we seek is in reach of each of us. Even if you are hiding in the cracks and thinking that it’s not possible for ‘me’, or that ‘I don’t need to feel sexy and desired anymore’, I still see you and I know this because it is where we all started. There are a few steps to blow the dust off our sleeping sexy goddesses, awaken her and relax back into her full power … and feel good about it without shame. She simply needs hope and a pathway to follow.
Awakening your Sensual Goddess - Feeling Sexy Again
First, we need to tap into that feminine intuition, that sense that within that remembers how much we used to desire and deserve pleasure. Close your eyes and remember the excitement, the raunchy thoughts, and dare I say, the thrashing about! She was powerful and confident, and it was nothing to do with what she looked like, she WAS sexy because she FELT sexy. We can bring her back once we first recognize that she may have left the building, and take a moment to observe the signs of her disappearance. Such as always feeling too tired at the end of the night to even fathom the concept of intimacy, a partner that always feels like they are nagging or worse, given up on seeking the intimacy you used to have. Secondly, ‘environment always wins’ and it’s time to give our environment a really good overhaul. Let’s face it, we had influence over the environment we set up in the first place with the knowledge of life we had, so if it isn’t feeling right anymore, then we also have the power to be our agents of change.
It’s time to explore Sensuality Without Shame … Feeling Sexy Again
Take some quiet me-time to remember how you felt when you delighted in desire, no responsibilities, the sneaky kisses and secret sexy encounters. Remember how you felt post-orgasm … ladies … that’s what I’m talking about!
Go and get her back girl! She’s within in you, she’s never left you and you deserve to feel that glow of your pleasure again. We all know our minds are a tad complicated, so find ways to flick the switch, through reading sexy stories, telling sexy stories or even good old fashioned ‘sexual innuendo’ … it’s not only for the boys!
Mmmm, this is the good bit! Be the purveyor of cheeky touches, cheeky stances and challenge yourself to press your partner up against the bench (when the kids aren’t looking!). Create the sexual tension, whisper some sexy stories in their ear and be ‘surprising’. Then, if you’re like me and STILL want the next level of being proudly sassy and sexy, then find out more about Love Languages … believe me this is where the ‘money shot’ is! (Stick with me and my sensual revolution and we’ll cover that in the next issue!)
Ladies, this is your story, your sensual rite to swing your pendulum back in your ‘sexual’ favour. If you have already started on this journey, then I salute and support you. However, if you are sitting there feeling like intimacy and sex does not really ‘matter’ anymore, or this topic triggers you, then sorry to say, but that usually means that its worth looking at. If we talk in the context of passing on of a sexually empowered legacy, then it needs to start with finding it for ourselves. You can be part of the ‘Sensuality Without Shame’ revolution, the time is now especially with the state of the world. Let’s embrace lockdown and storm our bedrooms again!
You deserve it beautiful …
Loved the article, thank you….
In the busy-ness of life it’s easy to lose sight of what’s really important for both men and women… this is a great reminder!
Loved this article! Spot on…. Self care, self love and intimacy it all matters…. Great reminder Thank you!
Love this … ‘Let’s embrace lockdown and storm our bedrooms again!’
Your writing like you have looked in to my life… thank you for the reminder to give myself time to self love. …
Imagine if life was the other way around. We started off old, with saggy boobs and less interest in sex and got younger and sexier as life went on. Would we appreciate our sexiness more? Or would our children also be getting younger so that by the time we were in our prime, we’d still be too exhausted because we had babies at that time … Hmmmm… ???
This article I connected with in so many ways, like reading my life. Thank you for the reminder that it is important to not forget about one’s sensual side.
This is a great reminder of the roles women play. Time to empower our woman and take pleasure in there pleasure.
Wow I loved this! Reminded me of what it is to be a woman
Great read! At different stages of life desire and intimacy changes, reclaiming it is perfect, self care and self love first. Thanks Naomi
Caring and loving oneself is too often forgotten
What a great reminder to stop, pause and remember. We get so busy sometimes we forget to take stock of where our own lives are at. Naomi’s article gives us a timely push to remember ourselves and what we need to fill our hearts and spirits.
Tue true, to appreciate what we have, not what we do not have, great thoughts