Who Is The One Reigning Judgment On Us All?
Mirror Mirror On The Wall!
Written by Susie Taaffe
People judge others in order to make themselves feel better about themselves. Like a hierarchical pecking order which is relentless and exhausting. But are they really judging others or is it actually a cry for how small they feel about themselves? How do we open our arms and accept people for who they are? I believe, the answer lies firstly in our own self-acceptance. If we are not capable of accepting ourselves as we are, we have Buckley’s chance of accepting anyone else!! And the reign of judgment continues on and on.
Who Are You?
Firstly, who arrrrrrrrrre you? This phrase always reminds me of the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland who is asking Alice this question. Alice has changed so many times that day and been to so many strange places and met lots of crazy characters and she is quite confused and does not know how to answer his question. Let us look inwards at ourselves – who are you? We are so caught up in all our titles, but they are not actually who you are. Yes, you are a mother, daughter, doctor, nurse, engineer, musician, or whatever title you have classified yourself as. But they are not WHO you are. They are what you do. We need to look further past this and into our soul at its core. Who is that person? What do they love? What do they need? It can be quite confusing at first because if you take away all those identifying things, what is left?? Not much.
We Were All Children Once
I want you to close your eyes and picture yourself when you were a child. Whatever age comes to your mind. Do you hate that child? Do you criticize that child? Or do you feel tender affection and love for them? Now ask that child what it is they need. When I first did this exercise, it brought me instantly to tears. All my child wanted was to be loved and hugged. To be told they were important and mattered. That child is still within you now and still needs the same things. To feel validated, supported, and loved.
The famous Burning Man Sculpture depicts two people with their backs turned away from each other. The inner child of each person is standing looking at each other, desperate for connection and acceptance. I believe this is the key to accepting others exactly as they are. Look past their external characteristics and behaviors and see the lonely child inside. To feel compassion and empathy for ourselves and others.
Why is this important? I have a recurring theme with my friends and my children lately. Someone is perceived to be mean to them. The advice I give every time is the same and I ask you the same question. Do people that are feeling great in their inner world walk around making peoples’ lives miserable? No, they do not. They are too busy feeling fabulous. Remember when someone says something or does something that isn’t very nice, it actually has nothing to do with you! It reflects their own inner world. And I’m guessing they don’t have a lot of self-love and acceptance happening! The next question is – can we change them? Definitely not! As I say to my kids – stay in your lane and work on who you are. Be kind and true to yourself and then these people’s opinions of you will not matter.
I had a very wise friend who was always the MC at events, and I asked her how she was so brave to talk in front of everyone with so much confidence. She said she had two mantras she repeated to herself. Firstly, I am a kind and caring person and secondly, their opinion of me is none of my business. I was blown away at how simple these phrases were, yet so true. The only opinion of you that matters is your own. If you treat other people in a kind and caring way, then even if others don’t reciprocate, you know you are staying true to who you are. Well, that is if you wish to be a kind and caring human!
Curate Your Content
Self-acceptance is becoming an increasingly popular trend in social media and there are so many positive people sending out constructive messaging around this.
Influencers of all body types and pronouns can now be followed and I seriously suggest doing a thorough clean-up of your social media and only keeping the uplifting content. These influencers are publicly talking about their fears and insecurities and how they consciously choose to love and accept themselves exactly as they are. By doing so, they are giving you permission to do the same. As we mentioned before, when we can accept ourselves then we can accept others for who they are.
There is a reason that people who have severe disfigurements from birth or disastrous accidents often go on to become motivational speakers. They are the epitome of having had to accept themselves as they are, and their encouragement is for you to do the same for yourself. They put life back into perspective.
Let’s Call BS
Enough is enough! We have been brainwashed by huge marketing companies with huge budgets for as long as I can remember. Social media now allows normal people to call BS on photoshopped content which has fed us unrealistic beauty standards. There still is a dirty, dark side to social media but if you monitor your content carefully then you can avoid seeing fake, filtered pictures. If something makes you feel bad about yourself, whatever it is, GET RID OF IT!
I find it particularly useful if you can find some influencers that are talking about the same insecurities you have, with the same body shape. They will give you curated content that matches how you feel and will lift you up!
These days influencers have completely shifted the way that we buy things, with fashion being one of their biggest offerings. The easiest way to shop for your body shape without leaving the house is to follow influencers that you look like! Use them as your personal shoppers and you can cut through all the fashion noise much faster. There is a whole range of price points too – some influencers specialize in cheaper Kmart try-ons whilst others try on a variety of price points from Zara to designer. You know what you like when you see it and think oh, but I could never wear that. Well, follow people where that statement is not true. Actively seek them out.
Overall, if you are in a place of love and acceptance of yourself it becomes easy to open your arms and accept others exactly as they are. Happy people don’t look for flaws in others because they don’t need to others down in order to feel good! Stay in your own lane, do the things that fulfill you, and make your soul sing with joy. If we all did this, the world would be a much happier place!
Much Love Susie xoxo