Written by Laura Naomi
When we talk about sensuality and sexuality, a lot of emphasis is on the physical experience, and some on the minds involvement. Establishing a healthy connection to our body and learning the language it speaks, nourishes a more fulfilling relationship with our sensual-selves.
The language of the body speaks with feeling, body language and through energy. Sometimes, building a healthy relationship with our body can take time since everyone is unique and has different life experiences. Generally speaking, the more connected we are to our body, the clearer the communication. For some people, there may be physical limitations, dysfunctions, injuries or illness that can interfere with connecting more deeply to sensuality and the desire for pleasure. For others the challenges that arise are more about overcoming inner barriers, anxieties or issues, or it could be both. Part of this is learning to love ourselves for who we are and our body the way it is and learn to work with what the Universe has gifted us.
To me, the body is an incredible landscape that is intimately connected to the wild and deep beauty of nature. Our body is of the Earth Mother. What happens to her happens to us, and what happens to us happens to her.
Body, Mind, Heart and Soul (The Divine Landscape)
One discernment that can be helpful is understanding when the body is talking as opposed to the mind, heart or soul. Where the mind tends to be rigid, logical and has to stop to think, the body likes movement and is interested in certain interactions, environments, nourishment, sensations, creative expression and the physical world. When we introduce the heart and soul, it takes the connection within ourselves, with others and life in general to a deeper level. These two dimensions are what transforms a physical experience into a spiritual, heartfelt, sensual experience.
Sometimes these different aspects of ourselves are not in synchronicity.
Ways the Body talks
Discomfort, Pain and Illness - physical manifestations of what is happening on emotional and spiritual levels.
Addiction - addiction manifests in different ways and with complexities. It could be anything from alcohol, sex or food to being addicted to being busy or a type of energy.
Spontaneous Laughter and Tears - in an open-hearted healing space, laughter and tears can suddenly emerge from the depths of our belly. Some experience a sense of relief as if a weight has been lifted off the shoulders. It may be the first time someone has felt a deeper connection, received heartfelt affection or feels loved without judgement.
Energy - as mentioned before, a lot of communication is non-verbal. In fact, I feel most of it is. The body has energy systems (the auric field and chakras) and emanates energy all the time, which is somewhat different to the projections of the mind, yet it is all a form of communication. In a healing space, energy can also move through the body in the form of instinctive movement and sensations.
The Physical Dimension - some people have a stronger or more sensitive connection to the physical dimension. Certain clothes are important, foods, fitness, wealth creation, a house, car and so on. These things are also expressions of the body.
In a lot of cases the mind plays a big part in intimacy and more so, emotion. For many, mental stimulation is just as important as the physical. Thoughts have a powerful impact on what happens (or doesn’t happen!) and in some cases way before an encounter even begins. Possible positive and/or negative scenarios go through the mind, maybe even hundreds of times, where the body and emotions can be greatly affected.
Meeting the Body where it is at
Taking the pressure off of ourselves and our partner opens the space for more heart-felt connecting. If we are stuck in the mind (perhaps with a lot of expectations or ‘should’s' floating around), the body often becomes tense, the breath shallow and interaction may feel mechanical or unnatural.
Taking the pressure off and letting go of expectation is about being in the moment and allowing the connection to unfold naturally. Sometimes planning intimate time is necessary especially with work and family schedules, yet, during that time together we can still learn to let go and enjoy the moment without putting pressure on ourselves or each other.
Mindful breathing or simply focusing on the breath is one of the most supportive practices we could gift ourselves. Firstly, it is one of the most natural resources we have and we do it without thinking. That is why it’s so powerful, because we are not thinking about it! Bringing awareness to the breath automatically connects us to our body, brings us more into the present moment and calms everything down. It is one way we can pause, detach from the mind and allow the body to settle into the now.
There are many ways to open up communications with the body such as exploring sensual touch, breath-work and yoga. Another is through the following exercise…
Creating a Sacred Space (The Divine Landscape)
This practice is effective for couples and individuals alike. Creating a sacred space for you and your partner to enjoy intimate time can bring sensual ritual into a relationship and transform the time spent together. Intimacy comes in many forms, not just through sexuality. Emotional intimacy creates a deeper connection building trust and openness. Spiritual intimacy takes a connection to a whole different dimension, which can be found through surrender.
Keeping the focus on the physical for now, we can tune into our body by asking it what it likes that represents the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine energies. Creating a sacred space is meant to be a beautiful, sharing and enjoyable experience. Following are some ideas to create your own or with your partner: artworks, flowers, ornaments, scents (incense or oil burner), body creams or oils, materials to hang or drape, favourite colours, sacred objects, elements of nature, music/sounds, crystals and much more!
Other aspects could be having some general agreements before entering the sacred space, such as personal boundaries, refraining to talk about certain things such as work or who didn’t take the rubbish out and rituals to let go of any negative energy, anxieties or pressures from the day.
Letting go (The Divine Landscape)
Once your space is created, allow mystery to evolve. Pleasure one day could mean allowing the heart to express itself through heart-centered communication, it could mean gently gazing into each others eyes or just simply being together without the need to talk. Involve the whole body. There are many ways to spend sacred time together (or alone) to ignite a sense of innocence again. Every day is new and is an adventure into the unknown. We have been given a gift of exploring the sacred landscapes of the body, heart and soul, to experience the wonders of these energies within ourselves and each other.
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